An interesting study from a couple of Canadian researchers is making its way around the internet today, concerning the effect fat friends have on thin women. Apparently, women with fat friends can “catch” neuroses regarding their own bodies, and end up being worried about their weight, no matter what they actually weigh, if they are surrounded by friends whose weights are out of control.
Both Jezebel and the Telegraph have summaries of the research:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/9659944/Why-fat-friends-harm-quest-for-perfect-body.html
I am NOT fat, and neither is my BFF, Princess Pixie Pointless. The two of us are not “naturally” thin. Nope. Not a chance. We are thin because we care about being thin and we have the necessary self-control to watch our calorie intake and make certain we are not eating more than we need.
Yay for us.
However, I have lots of friends who ARE fat, who eat way more than their bodies require, who do moan about their weight (but do nothing about it) and who occasionally express envy that JudgyBitch isn’t fat like they are. I go out to dinner with these friends and eat the amount I consider appropriate and I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to what the other ladies are eating because they are grown-ups and can decide for themselves what they would like to eat and how much.
The point here is that my fat friends are my FRIENDS, and I love them no matter what they weigh. Their weight is their business and has nothing to do with how lovely they are as people. The idea that fat friends can make you neurotic about your weight rests on the assumption that women are a bunch of catty bitches who constantly assess one another as rivals and look for ways to tear each other down. And I have no doubt that lots of women ARE like that, which makes them ugly people no matter what they look like.
The idea that women cannot be friends without an undercurrent of competitiveness is such a destructive force in our society. When the majority of women were at home, raising their own children while their husbands were out earning a living, women banded together to help each other, support each other and just bring a little laughter and happiness to one another’s lives. Popular culture likes to paint the “housewife” as some downtrodden, emotionally deprived, unfulfilled caricature of a person, but the truth is that most women WANTED to be at home with their small children and STILL DO.
One of the biggest lies feminism tells young women is that they WON’T want to be at home with their infants and small children. That only a paid job will fulfill them and bring meaning to their lives. That only cash in a bank account will make them feel useful. Feminism encourages young women to structure their lives around the assumption that they will have NO PROBLEM dropping the baby off for someone else to raise while they go get a manicure and head back to their cubicle.
The truth is that most women are absolutely gutted at having to leave their babies. They hate it. In countries that offer paid maternity leave, the sweeping majority of women take it. Then they go back to work because they can’t afford their lives without two incomes. And it’s all based on an insidious lie that older women tell younger women: your baby won’t matter to you.
JudgyBitch plans on raising PinkyPinkyPie and LittleMissBossypants to understand that they most likely WILL want to be at home with their children, should they choose to have any, and I will encourage them to pick credentials and careers that will give them that option. LittleDude is being raised to understand that the best possible world for his children will be to have his wife at home and he needs to pick his credentials and career with that in mind.
So what does this have to do with fat friends? It’s all part of a brave new world where a political ideology (feminism) has succeeded in destroying the relationships between men and women, between women and their children, between men and their children and now, between women themselves. Women who hate other women, who lie to other women, who compete with other women, who don’t love and honor and protect other women have created a world where it has become downright dangerous to be a woman. http://judgybitch.com/2012/10/22/54/
I’m grateful to my friends for being such solid, sensible women with no time for political grandstanding at the expense of every meaningful relationship in their lives. Ladies, I love you, and even if you ARE fat, I’ll still go out to dinner with you. And I won’t feel neurotic about myself afterwards, no matter what you eat. But I will laugh til my sides ache and drink too much and end up dancing Gangnam Style, because that’s what we do.
We’re friends.
With love JB.